Back to life

I went on a 4-day trip to gather my strength just as 2Darts advised me to do. I must say that it was a very good idea to change my surroundings. Now I'm back with my head full of new ideas and so from now on I'm starting to make them into practice. The most important event for me in the near future is my exam. I postponed it for September because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to prepare myself for it (as thoroughly as I wanted to) in June. It's American Literature - the subject that I assosiate my future with. Also the lecturer that is responsible for this exam is the one that I admire the most so I don't want to make a fool of myself... That's why I read all the books twice :) But the most important part of the material (the lectures) is still left to be revised. I thought that 2 weeks would be enough for that but unfortunately I didn't take into consideration the fact that 3 of me friends ( 2 of whom have absolutely no idea what American Literature is about) will remember me before the exam...
As a result of that I have 2 weeks to learn all the lectures and to teach 3 dunces at least enough for them to pass the exam. How am I supposed to do that?????
I guess I will have to resign from sleep for some time. Keep your fingers crossed :)

Boris Vallejo

While reading 2Dart's blog today I couldn't overlook his post about erotic photography and painting generally. I checked out the gallery of one of the artists that he admires (Boris Vallejo) and I found it magnificent. Vallejo is probably well known to those who are interested in fantasy stuff. But I recommend his gallery to everyone.
Personally I liked his black and white paintings the most, but all of them are fabulous.

I couldn't add a different one to my post as I absolutely adore woman-angel paintings, photos etc.

2Darts- Thank You ;)

Change

After several days of isolation from the world I came to the conclusion- I'm wasting my life.
My brain is busy with thoughts about my past (instead of future) and questions with no answers.
My heart is occupied by a man who is entirely unattainable for me.
My body is full of various forms of caffeine and little else.
And the whole form of myself so carefully remade from all the broken pieces has a tendency to fall apart every 2 weeks.
It's high time to change it...

like a journey through my mind...

2 of those people who read my posts asked me if I 'm not afraid to write such private things - if I'm not afraid that some of my friends will get to know too much about the things they should know little about. Here I give you the answer :
Well... This blog is quite personal, I admit, but it is supposed to be a kind of my online diary. It's not designed for my friends. It's designed for me, for my own need of self-expression. I sometimes add some interesting links or write about the things I find worth mentioning, but generally it's a place where I can write what I think and feel. And my friends have no idea that there is acronym's blog somewhere in the web :)
One of you wrote that reading my words is like taking a journey through my mind. That's a proper metaphor I believe. My posts perfectly show my current mood and way of thinking.
If you want to read it- go ahead. And if you don't want to- well, you don't have to ;)

Quizzes

My brain is 60% female and 40% male and yours? :)
http://www.blogthings.com/whatgenderisyourbrainquiz/

Also:
I had some time today to comb through other quizzes on blogthings.com
Some of them are quite interesting, some of them are funny.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourpersonalitytypequiz/

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excelent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

You would make a great photographer, alterative medicine guru, or teacher.

http://www.blogthings.com/whattimeofdayareyouquiz/

You are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits.
Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle.
Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it.
You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality ime with family and close friends.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatwillyourfamouslastwordsbequiz/

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"I dunno, press the button and find out."

http://www.blogthings.com/whatplanetshuldyourulequiz/

You Should Rule Venus

Venus is a mysterious, stormy planet - shrouded in a thick layer of clouds.

You are perfect to rule Venus, because you are quite emotional and volatile yourself.
Your emotions change as rapidly as the weather on Venus, and both you and the planet are incomprehensible to others.

While you are not a logical thinker, you are quite empathetic.
You can care for and understand others, but your emotions swirl too quickly to truly understand yourself.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatdrugisyourpersonalitylikequiz/

Your Personality Is Like Marijuana

You're laid back and easy going, so much that taking shower is often too much trouble for you!
(well I'm not so sure about that :) )
Nevertheless, you're quite popular, and many people enjoy your company. You're rarely turned down.
You're prone to giggle fits, paranoia, and forgetting where you are exactly.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatsuperheroareyouquiz/

You Are Spider-Man

Quick and agile, you have killer instincts (litearally).
And that kind of makes up for the whole creepy spider thing.


Well... I have to say that the results are surprisingly TRUE (maybe with the exception of Marijuana) ;)

Looking for myself in me...

Strange things happening in my life recently...
Hard to tell where will they lead me and people I love; too early to judge. I guess there's no other way for me to find out than wait... I keep on thinking about them all the time. Especially about those closely connected with my family.
Unexpected appearance of my stepbrother is the event that does not leave my mind alone even when I'm asleep.
I feel like each second I'm plunging deeper and deeper into the abyss of my own expectations and doubts...
Right now I can't explain what I feel inside... A blend of unknown and contradictory feelings.
I need a rest... I need to change my surroundings... I need to find myself again.
I don't know how long does it gonna take me but when I'm complete again I will let you all know about that.
Meanwhile I'll try to write about more positive aspects of my life...
As soon as I notice any...

P.S. M. & T. -I miss you guys... :*

The Awakening

Haven't been here for a couple of days- I've been reading (or rather re-reading) books that I have to know well for my exam in September... The most important one for me- that's why it's postponed. I'm reading "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin in the moment... And here I've got some quotes which I identify with:
- "At a very early period she had apprehended instinctively the dual life - that outward existence which conforms, the inward life which questions"
- "She was blindly following whatever impulse moved her, as if she had placed herself in alien hands for direction, and freed her soul of responsibility."
- "She had all her life long been accustomed to harbor thoughts and emotions which never voiced themselves. They had never taken the form of struggles. They belonged to her and were her own, and she entertained the conviction that she had a right to them and that they concerned no one but herself."
- "She was still under the spell of her infatuation. She had tried to forget him, realizing the inutility of remembering. But the thought of him was like an obsession, ever pressing itself upon her. It was not that she dwelt upon details of their acquaintance, or recalled in any special or peculiar way his personality; it was his being, his existence, which dominated her thought, fading sometimes as if it would melt into the mist of the forgotten, reviving again with an intensity which filled her with an incomprehensible longing."

Read this book...

in the night...

Tonight the night seems more dark, quiet and impressive than ever. The light is off, I sit all alone looking in the sky, listening to the sound of leaves swayed by the wind.... And no matter how hard I try to get him out of my mind, all I can think of is HIM. Yes, there is a Man who I love with my own strange kind of love. Every single thing that I learn about him reveals the truth- that he's the most eccentric person that I've ever known. I guess you cannot know him, no matter how hard you'd try to see through him ; it's just impossible and that makes me love him even more. Unspoken love is like a poison. If you don't spit it out, it will eat you up inside. So I let it eat me, piece by piece, starting from my heart....

-JLB-

until you've seen the sluggish bends of the
Neva, the way its
reflected light keeps you from breathing, you can't
ever know the
quickening of my pulse
underneath the layers of self-
inflicted calmness, as I
try to pretend that you aren't
everything, try to pretend that my
desire isn't a graveyard, and that you're not the groundskeeper...

That's how I feel right now...

I'm 'round the corner from anything that's real
I'm across the road from hope
I'm under a bridge in a rip tide
That's taken everything I call my own

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing

I'm on an island at a busy intersection
I can't go forward, I can't turn back
Can't see the future
It's getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing

One step closer to knowing

I'm hanging out to dry
With my old clothes
Finger still red with the prick of an old rose
Well the heart that hurts
Is a heart that beats
Can you hear the drummer slowing

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
To knowing, to knowing, to knowing...

Polish President....

It's not because of his appearance that I think this man holds improper post but.... Could it be worse????

Contemplation, contemplation, contemplation... As always...

I came back home from a very tiring trip... Hoped to go to sleep soon but unfortunately I have too much thoughts (coming from place I don't know or at least am not conscious about) in my head...
So I started to organize my files (a horrible mess in my computer) to keep my mind busy with something else than those strange thoughts getting darker and darker every evening... But anyway- while looking through some old text files by sheer coincidence I came across gg chat with my... (eh.. he wouldn't probably like me to call him my "friend" because actually he's my lecturer :) ) so let's just say with my acquaintance. I can't explain why but I left it in "my personal documents", although I never do that. I guess that he said things that really influenced (maybe confirm is a better word here) my beliefs and personal convictions about the world and people around us. Probably that was why I saved it. And here I am- sitting in front of my computer screen thinking about what we wrote then... Generally it was a very inspiring and good talk but what I keep on thinking about are his words about differences between people. "A man changes all the time, there are new worlds waiting for him around every corner- we do not always enter them but maybe some day... and the fact that our worlds do not always coincide with each other is one of the most optimistic truths. Difference is all." I want to believe his words and I try to but sometimes it's so difficult to see the optimistic element in this "truth", especially when you cannot find even one person who understands your world... and what if no one's world coincides with mine?....

Psychotest

A very interesting and.... surprisingly TRUE psychotest... do it yourself....
http://similarminds.com/career.html